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☆ Xin Yi

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not like before.
Saturday, August 23, 2008 8:43 PM
I'm tired.

I'm tired of all these people, all my classmates, all my friends, all the expectations for me, all the competition, all the advices, all the lectures, all the torturous practice, all the tuitions, all the Czerny and everything else.

& my life is supposed to be perfect.

In school, teachers lecture us on why we must score high marks and their expectations.
In school, friends tease you and laugh. Yes, sometimes its fun. But when it .. drags for too long, I get tired of it.
In school, after the exams, friends will ask you how much you get. I don't deny the fact the I do I ask people myself, but I get tired of it too. & on Monday, it'll probably start again.

In tuitions, tuition teachers tell you that you'll not putting your best effort.
In tuitions, you get compared to other people.
In tuitions, it's all about being the smartest.

At home, I get compared again.
At home, I get scolded a gazillion times. Not like I want to be.
At home, I get so frustrated everytime.
At home, I'm supposed to de-stress, when it ends up getting myself more stressed.

I'm probably not stressed till I'm going to suffocate. But I do worry. & sometimes, I don't know why, I feel like I need to stop. It's too difficult. I can't take it anymore. I'm going to what, lose control over my useless brain. And the thing which my life revolves about, is called the Preparation For PSLE.

Although I'm not pushing myself hard enough.
Although I'm not trying hard enough.
Although I'm just not as good as others.
Although I do want to do well.
Although I'm still trying to smile and laugh.

Why are we all trying so hard?
Why are we all pushing ourselves to the limits?
Why are we all doing our best?
Why are we all so worried, even when we've done well?

Just because it's PSLE, it isn't everything. But I guess, this kind of education, is a must in our lives.

And I'll admit, learning piano may be fun, but it just adds to my stress.