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Codes by 16thday!Background from here, profile icon from thefadingnight. |
Thursday, December 16, 2010
9:50 PM
I'm kidda forcing myself to blog right now. I wanna write down everything that's on my mind before I forget. I came back from NYCO camp today. And it was really really amazing :) I learnt so so so much from just 3 days, which wasn't really what I expected at first. And bonded with my batch mates and seniors and juniors and section mates. After a long long break, it's nice to see everyone again. The familiar faces, although many were missing. Okay I don't really intend to talk much about the games and all. I'm much interested in writing all my learning points from the camp. Through the little activities, hui bao, da zu and things that were mentioned. Honestly, it wasn't until the camp then I realised that music is actually so... so... so complicated. Like there's the pitch, the shape of the melody, the quality of the sound and so much more. I guess after so many years of learning music and all, I did know of all these little point. I just never really thought of it much. Through the years I do know that this and that is important. But I probably just didn't take note of it. It was only after camp then it kind of like, punched my face. Trying to wake me up so that I would actually realise how the importance. And so, today when I wanted to play the piano I just stared. Looked at all the black and white keys. Once again, I thought of the question which I don't have the answer. Yet. Why am I actually doing this? All the years of practicing and playing. Nothing. It was just wasted. Because I never had a clue of what I was playing. I didn't have a goal. I didn't know what I wanted. The pieces I played couldn't paint the pictures, they couldn't portray the feelings. Everything I played were just random notes strung together by rhythm and some dynamics. It's as if the pieces I played are like zombies. It's there but dead. Moving but lifeless. Worthless. Because that's not how music is supposed to be. Starting from today, I shall be more attentive to all the little details here and there. Everything I missed out. And actually think a little. You know, music needs brains too. But most importantly, I need the answer to my question. The question which I've asked over and over again. Because if I don't have the answer, I will probably never be able to focus. So in short, I need to find my passion back. Of course, not just for music but for many other things too. Over the last 2 years or so, I lost interest in so many things I once loved. Which is probably everything in my life. Even the littlest things of life. I don't see the point in it. Believe it or not, I actually get kind of sick of talking to people. Like how I've been ignoring people when they text me. It can be hours before I reply. Not that I didn't know that they text me, but because I don't feel like replying. Just like that, I don't feel like replying. At times, I have to kind of force myself to reply. So that they don't think I hate them or something. And it's a basic courtesy to reply. I need to get my life back. For a start I shall reply texts, read a bit of the fanfic I'm reading and go to bed early. Comfy bed and warmth, how much I miss you. /ps. And most definitely, I'll obviously learn to not lend people my phone. To think that I will actually grow up and learn from experience. But no, I don't and it just ends up with messages being read. Screw people. They need to learn about privacy. |