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}} WONDERS
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Codes by 16thday!Background from here, profile icon from thefadingnight. |
Sunday, January 30, 2011
4:16 PM
Decided to take a break and get some thoughts of my mind. But have been wanting to write this down since yesterday. Right so, I've been thinking about this of awhile so I guess I got over the shock already. But.Ohmygosh. No wonder. It makes sense doesn't it. All the pieces fit perfectly well. It fits so well it scares me. I never thought anything like this would ever happen, but obviously I'm wrong. Or at least something along that line. And it's not within my control. Just like that. A little evidence that I'm probably not supposed to come across, then a theory, and BAM! A realization all of a sudden. And what I hate most of all is that it seems so real. It can be real. I don't have actual proof, but how it clears all my doubt and questions is enough. Enough to convince me. It's too late even if I don't want to think about it. I just wish it's all a lie, but all the jigsaw puzzles click together so flawlessly just makes it even more impossible that I'm just thinking too much. I don't know what to feel right now. Am I supposed to get mad and upset? Or just disappointed? It's like waking up one day and finding out that all this while nothing is real. Whenever I ask something, you just brush it off. You say that it's confidential, I'm not supposed to know. And so, what exactly am I supposed to know? Or were you just waiting for this little truth to be discovered? You keep saying that people don't understand and making it seem that you're the one in pity. But really, all along have you ever thought about other people's feelings? To think I was having this little hope in mankind. But after awhile people around me just keep giving me reasons to lose that faith. Really, am I to blame for believing in you? At the end of the day, the conclusions I come up with is that humans are really evil, hearts are ugly and everything we've built is just a facade. As for you, so typical. Shooting down any idea before trying to understand. Believing that no one but yourself is correct. How I wish you can see what I see, there's so much to it than you can imagine. But that's what you always do, trying to fight for yourself and your own point. Oh well, it's your loss. You will never ever get to see the beauty and depth of it. I realised after some time that the reason I love reading books, is for the characters. There's always this messed up, imperfect person. Just like me. And it always tells me that it's alright to be messed up, to have issues, to have this internal struggle or however it's supposed to be. I need someone/something to constantly tell me that it's okay I'm not perfect. Hah I'm done. It's not 5 yet time to go back to homework. My table is so messy right now I have to move to the dining table to do work. And get tempted by a lot of food. Right so, thanks to my incredible slacking ability I'm not even halfway through what I'm supposed to do. Not even one task I think. Hurray. Bye beautiful messed up world. |