|
}} WONDERS
|
|
|
Profile
 Affiliates
Friend
Friend
Friend
Layout credits
Codes by 16thday!Background from here, profile icon from thefadingnight. |
Monday, January 24, 2011
10:20 PM
I don't know. Guilt perhaps?Okay scratch that. I actually do know. The guilty feeling that lasts for a while is becoming oh too familiar, it's hard to not acknowledge. They say that when you're guilty towards someone, you'll start to compensate the person, normally by being nicer. My gawd. So true. It's like I start to neglect, feel guilty after awhile, try to make it up somehow (though I'm sure it doesn't work) and then the cycle repeats itself. I hate how I'm always not sincere, then I start being a fake and acting nice and all, but it never lasts long enough. The worst fact is that I know exactly what I'm doing. I only wish I can only start to care. Sometimes it feel as if suddenly I've become cold-hearted and all and I don't even care about other people's feelings. It's like all of a sudden I don't even bother anymore. It doesn't matter if you're important to me or not. I really need to start putting things into perspective and prioritize. To say that you're not important to me and I don't care if I lose you, is a lie. A big fat lie. I don't think anyone has any idea how much you mean to me. Not even myself. I dislike the way I'm acting like I don't care, I hate how I'm most probably never going to really realise how much you mean to me until I lose you. But of course, I don't want that to happen. And I won't let that happen. It sucks so much that everything is probably killing me slowly. And letting you go isn't easy either, I'm completely clueless where to start. Now if only I can see what I'm trying to do and stop trying to destroy myself. Or what I have left. I need to start seeing things from other people's eyes and try to understand. Things can't forever go my way. At this rate I'm just going hurt everyone around. Though I mostly likely have hurt you already before I can stop myself. It's always me isn't it, I never try to stop, think and empathise. I just go on and believe my own assumptions. I never consult your opinions or wonder how you feel first. Which will of course, end up with me hurting you. I think it's not until tonight, then I realised that people can be so fragile. That there's a limit to everything. That you shouldn't push one too far. That maybe everything I've believed in is wrong. That maybe I'm doing everything wrong. That I'm acting as if I'm pushing you away. That I need to start being sincere in everything I do and say, and stop playing nice just because I feel guilty. That I'm sorry. Suddenly I feel like I'm self-destructing. On the other hand. I think people need to start realising that time is an advantage, to know is a privilege and trust is an honour. Don't take things too far with what you know, what you have and what you can do. If you don't watch your behaviour, don't be surprised with what may come. After all, you have no idea what's going on behind your back. |