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Codes by 16thday!Background from here, profile icon from thefadingnight. |
Monday, May 02, 2011
11:06 PM
/edit Okay so I went to look at my old posts and all, and realised that my latest er resolve was actually months. Months. Wow I really never thought it'll be that quick. Let's just say that I'm proud of myself. It's incredibly crazy how time past so fast. And I just kind of well, grown up. So yeah. Let go. Already. And... Goodbye. end edit/ It just kind of hit me that well, a day has passed. No not oh I didn't do anything today and it just passed! that kind of day. But a significant-ish kind of day passed. And I kind of didn't noticed it until today. Which lead to me digging out my archives to to find out exactly which day it was. So, more than a year has passed. I think it's kind of like a milestone somehow, seriously. For once, I didn't remember it nor miss you. Thank goodness. So many things have happened, so many lessons learnt. People have walked in and out of my life and somehow I realised maybe you're not that important to me anymore. I grew up, I understood things and as days passed I thought less of you. A year ago, I was still missing you. Waiting for you like a freak, hoping, wishing and upset about how I just let you slip by. In short, full of regrets. The only thing I wanted was just to see you again, maybe to talk to you and for sure, to say goodbye. I hated you, too, for the person you were. For being part of the reason I'm the kind of person I am today. For ruining everything I had. But here I am today, forgetting how you look like. No longer missing you. Knowing how regrets are only regrets and I can't change how it is right now. No longer waiting, no longer hoping. Just neutral feelings. Memories of you are so faint, I can't really remember them anymore. It's scary really, how things can change. Looking back, honestly, I want to laugh. I mean, the person I was, it's kind of cute. Okay I don't know to describe so yeah. I mean, reading all the blog posts and diary entries about you, I can't help but smile and laugh! Hahaha seriously. I think it's because you don't mean that much to me anymore. And whatever I wrote, I sounded like some crazy lovesick fool I swear. But alright it's nothing like that. Whatever I went through, it's sort of like a learning experience. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy. Because it was hell and still is. But I guess, things are kind of alright right now. I'm still not perfect, I still have a thousand and two issues with myself. But hey, at least I'm trying. And things are getting better. No more rollercoaster ride. No more unstable emotions. No more pessimism and whatnot. So over here, I'm glad to say that after a thousand or so days, this is a chapter closed. Healed, moved on, over you. And honestly? Thank you. It's only because of you things went downhill. And only because of that, I could find myself back after so long. So yeah, thanks for the memories and everything. If there's ever be a chance, I would still want to say goodbye. All this sudden realisation, it somewhat feels like liberation. I have never thought it'll be possible. Whee joy. No more emo posts because of you. |