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Codes by 16thday!Background from here, profile icon from thefadingnight. |
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
1:29 AM
Is it possible to owe someone emotionally?I've been such a bitch lately. To my friends, classmate, everyone. Snappy, rude, pissing everyone off. And I'm sorry. I greatly dislike long weekends. Holidays are there for me to slack it off when there are just so many things to do. I can never be productive with a deadline that's nearing or a drive to motivate. It gets meaningless and life becomes mundane. I'm just so lazy. I was reading my old posts on Tumblr and looking through the new ones. It's only been say, a year or so but there's a huge difference. I don't know if it's only noticeable by me, to me it's just there. In the past I was always talking about how I felt. It's always the sad stuff, like how I miss someone or being invisible or this regret that sort of things. But now... I don't really know what it is. Just a jumbled up mess and abstract stuff. Fickle mind I have. I realised that throughout the months I refused and didn't allow myself to say any of those emo shit. I kept telling myself that I'm stronger than this. I won't miss anyone or regret about anything, because what't the point you can't reverse any damage. The reason for this change is pretty simple though. Just don't get emotionally attached. I sound really heartless but it's the truth. At times, I really wish for a friend who wouldn't mind silence when being with me. I want someone to accompany me in Starbucks, each reading a book and just spending time without talking. Sitting in one of those oversized comfy big chair, with a book in hand and a cup of coffee. The fact that few people would be comfortable when talking for hours makes such a person so rare. "Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person." |