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☆ Xin Yi

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011 10:35 PM
I've been wanting to post/blog but every time I slack off and go to Tumblr instead. Or something along the line.

Friday was productive I guess. Finally finally started on my revision, even though it was only less than 2 chapters and I haven't moved on from there. Teaching people can be well, frustrating and you feel completely exasperated. The ice creams were worth it though. And I did feel this small sense of achievement.

Sunday was my grandmother's birthday lunch/family gathering. It was a buffet and I just ate and ate. By the end I was so full, I didn't eat for the rest of the day. I wasn't hungry for hours, seriously. It didn't go as planned unfortunately. I still enjoyed the lazy day and spending time with my cousins though! And my super adorable yet mischievous youngest cousin was showing my how to play Angry Birds. He's so much better at the game than me! It's insane how my younger cousins are so good at gadgets really.

Today's assembly got me thinking. Even more. Deception. How at times we're only just lying to ourselves. And that's the easiest, isn't it?

Once again I was hit by the truth. This world is so very real, everything's that happening. Just because you don't see/know it happening doesn't mean it's not true. Suddenly I just felt as if I've grown a bit older again.

Came across Occam's Razor and I found it very interesting. Basically it just means "The simplest explanation is most likely the correct one." In latin it's "Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate."

Recently listened to Simple Plan's newest album Get Your Heart On! I like the songs and they're brilliant. I know the band isn't the greatest band out there in terms of depth/quality etc. But I really like how their songs are so easy to relate and there are songs that can get you emo/high.

After awhile, I learnt that honestly in life there's no such thing as what we deserve. Because what's the point? Having expectations, not meeting them and getting disappointed in the end. It's not worth it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't give yourself standards, it's more of not expecting anything in return. No one's fit enough to judge and say whether someone deserves something or not. It's really hard, of course. Especially when you have worked hard and the results aren't what you expected it to be. It's just, life's much easier when you leave someone else to appreciate what you've done and not expect anything. This way, you get really pleasant surprises too. I guess part of the reason why I'm saying this that I don't deserve some friends I have, I'm an ass yet they've stuck by me and all. So for that, I'm grateful.

My family was discussing on the judgement of one's character a few weeks back. I sort of agreed with the idea of in the end who you think a person is, depends on yourself ultimately. Sure a person's actions/behaviour/speeches influence a huge part of it. But how they're interpreted it as and what motives all comes down to the thoughts of people around. Face it, other than yourself there's no one else you can completely bravely confidently say "I know everything about you". That's why we can't read each other's mind, it's a impenetrable wall. How much can you trust a person? You don't know whether a person is true to you, you won't know when he/she will betray you. If that actually happens. There are so many doubts and questions. Sure, some people can say "I have faith in a person". But can you really trust a person so much? Till whatever others say, you won't have the nagging feeling to seek the truth. Till there are nosecrets and every single thing can be told.

Maybe it's just me. I've seen with my own eyes so many cases of friends falling out. Especially great friends, best friends even, become the greatest enemies. It's not just a matter of one or two, it's a few. When this happens, I guess I just instinctively built up walls to protect myself. I can't stand the idea of the people you're closest to actually hurting, betraying and eventually hating you. It's not something that you can recover from in days. It can get better in weeks or months, however it'll be a scar no matter what. Truthfully the uh, theory does hold some sense. It's not surprise that everyone has secrets that few or no one knows. The darkest and deepest ones most probably will never be spoken about. How is that trusting someone then? I think that's why I always calculate the risk in my head whenever I tell things that few should know. How much damage will it be if the person says it to others. It's horrible of me, but I can't help it. It's a... self-defense in a weird distorted way I guess.

Right I digressed. Whether a person is good or bad, it's entirely on your own judgement. How you see and think of one's action. And also whether you see all those little small subtle things. So a good judgement of character can be a blessing and it's sort of a skill.

Have to wrap presents, write card, draw mindmap and finish up IH sbq practice by tonight. Sounds a little crazy I know. Oh and also study for tomorrow's Physics quiz. Life is so brilliant right now.

p.s. As a passerby, I have no rights to say anything. I just wish things were back to normal and how it was. It's so incredibly... awkward I would say. As for me, I have no idea what to say or how to act.

So many times I wish and wish you have the fucking courage to tell me what's up with this right now. And you know, tell the truth. Perhaps, to keep your fucking promises too.